


2 Atoms in a Molecule

by alexcabotsgf



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: BUT im in the process of writing another c/o fic dont worry, Casey Novak needs a hug, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff to come, Hurt/Comfort, Olivia gives a needed hug, also, nobody cares @ myself shush, this is actually So terrible i don't know where to go from here so im just cutting it off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:19:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6110619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcabotsgf/pseuds/alexcabotsgf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her phone was vibrating, and when she got a look at who was calling her, the usually strong-willed, composed Casey Novak slid down the door, her head falling into her hands as she began to sob uncontrollably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When the words “Not guilty” spilled out of the juror’s mouth, Casey Novak flinched. At that moment, time seemed to slow down, and the ADA wanted nothing more than to disappear. Nearly unaware of her own actions, she stormed out of the courtroom. 

Outside, it was dark. She didn’t realize that the jury had been in recess for so long, but she wanted nothing than to find the one sympathizing juror and knock them around for a bit. Unsure where to go, Casey sat down on the courthouse steps. Her thoughts were racing, and she felt like she was going to be sick. She didn’t look up when Detective Olivia Benson sat down next to her. 

“You tried your best.” Olivia’s voice was barely above a whisper, and she placed her hand on Casey’s shoulder. 

Casey’s answering laugh is hollow, “My best never seems to be enough lately.” She shakes Liv’s hand off her shoulder and stands up, Olivia matching her movements.

She stood in silence with Olivia for a bit, watching the traffic crawl by slowly. Olivia had been trying to ask Casey questions about her plans for the rest of the night, and Casey had been keeping her answers short. “Are you going to talk to Alex?” 

Casey frowned – that was one question she couldn’t dodge. “Why do you assume I’ll go bitch to Alex about this?” She had always been defensive about the other ADA; when she began working with the SVU department, she had always been made to feel like she had to work twice as hard to prove herself - until about six months ago, when the squad had finally seemed to accept her as their primary ADA. Alex Cabot had been sent into witness protection, but recently returned to New York with the promise of safety. 

Olivia raised a hand in defense, “I’m just asking. In case you were looking for console, she’s had to deal with stuff like this before.” 

Casey shrugged, “I don’t know, I,” she paused, “...sorry for snapping at you. I’m just frustrated.”  
Olivia put her hand on Casey’s shoulder again, “It’s fine, I know you’re mad.” 

Casey let herself relax at Olivia’s touch, and she fought the urge to intertwine her fingers with Liv’s free hand. As she felt Liv’s thumb trace small circles on her shoulder, Casey felt tears well in her eyes.

“This case meant a lot to you,” she choked, “and, um, I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough to put that...fucking creep away.” When she finished her sentence, she allowed herself to fall into Olivia’s arms, sobbing against her shoulder. Liv rubbed Casey’s back, whispering things like, “it’s okay”, “just breathe” and “calm down” into her ear. 

Casey felt Olivia wrap her arms tighter around her, and she made attempts to catch her breath. She had spent so much energy trying to keep her composure as the verdict was read; it felt good for her to let herself break down for a little while. 

“Casey, why don’t you come stay with me for the night? It might be better for you than to be alone.” 

Casey pulled away from Olivia's hug, prickling with irritation. "Don't tell me what's good for me." She watched as Olivia's coffee-colored eyes flicked downward momentarily, then back up to meet hers. The tall detective seemed to shrink a couple of inches under the redhead's hard stare, and she seemed to be fighting the urge to look at her feet. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again, biting her bottom lip. Casey hadn't meant for the words to be so filled with contempt, but when they left her mouth she didn't feel the automatic impulse to take them back like she usually did whenever she said something with that tone. 

When Olivia Benson finally spoke, her voice wavered. "Casey...I wasn't trying to..." The detective's words trailed off; she knew better than to try and argue with Casey. The ADA's green eyes searched Olivia's face for any indication of what she was about to say, but she gave up the hunt just as Elliot Stabler came sauntering out of the courtroom. 

"I hear it didn't go well in there," he said, clapping a hand on Casey's shoulder. 

"If that isn't the understatement of the century," Casey said coldly. 

Elliot smiled awkwardly, obviously sensing that he had walked in on a somewhat messy situation. In an attempt to dissolve the awkwardness, he said, "I'm headed down to The Blind Tiger for a drink before I go home, you two want to join me?" 

Olivia nodded, and Casey shook her head. "I have to look over some case notes tonight, I should probably go home." 

Elliot looked at Olivia, then back at Casey. "That's fine...uh, have a good night Casey." 

"Goodbye, Casey. See you tomorrow." Olivia and Elliot began their long walk down the street to the bar, and Casey watched them until they disappeared under the city lights. She fought the urge to run after them as she choked back frustrated tears, and hitched her briefcase over her shoulder in an effort to distract herself. 

After trying for about ten minutes to hail a cab, she was finally inside a car on the way to her apartment building. Cabbies were generally unaware, or maybe just uncaring, of their passenger's emotions during the ride to where they were told to go, so Casey felt free to allow a few of those annoying tears to slip down her cheeks. The ride to her apartment building was only about seven minutes long, and after shoving her payment into the waiting hand of the driver, Casey stomped into the elevator, jabbing the button that would take her to seventh floor with her index finger. 

When she walked into her apartment, she didn't even get a chance to react to the cold air that engulfed the interior. Her phone was vibrating, and when she got a look at who was calling her, the usually strong-willed, composed Casey Novak slid down the door, her head falling into her hands as she began to sob uncontrollably.


	2. Chapter 2

“For Christ’s sake, get yourself together,” Casey grumbled to herself as she made an attempt to stand up, wobbling in her heels. There had been no other phone calls made following the one that caused her breakdown, but Casey had made a plan to call back. 

She didn’t want to. But given that the caller was the one and only Alex Cabot, she decided that she probably shouldn’t leave her hanging. Casey knew why she had called. She knew that Olivia had told Alex about her disposition after the case, and she knew that Alex was calling to chew Casey out for being cold and angry. 

As she went over this in her head, Casey wanted to laugh. Alexandra “no compassion whatsoever” Cabot was calling her to yell at her about having a lack of empathy. Truthfully, she was a little bit nervous to call back. Alex had a natural talent for making Casey feel like a toddler, and given the present circumstances, that was the absolute last way Casey wanted to feel right now. But Casey knew better than to let Alex go without a response. 

It felt like two parts of her brain were arguing with each other. The more practical side was telling her to call back, while the petty and angry side of her was telling her to ignore Alex out of bitterness. Casey wanted to badly to side with the angry part of her brain, but there was a small part of her that wanted to hear Alex’s voice again, even if it was to reprimand her. 

In the kitchen of her apartment, Casey poured a glass of liquid courage and kicked her heels off, watching as they skidded across the linoleum floor. Her fingers trembled as she unlocked her phone and went to her missed calls, locating the call in question and tapping on it lightly. As the dial tone sounded, Casey rapped her fingers against the countertop, shifting her weight from hip to hip.

“Hello?” Alex sounded tired. Casey bit her lip; maybe the call would be short, maybe she wouldn’t have to deal with Alex’s condescending tone for longer than five minutes.   
“Uh, hi. You called earlier, sorry I didn’t pick up. I was...busy.” 

Nice one, Casey, she thought to herself, you were busy crying. 

“It’s fine,” Alex said. Casey knew she didn’t believe her, but she didn’t plan on mentioning it. She heard some shuffling of papers. 

“So, what did you want?” 

“Casey, don’t get hostile.” There was that condescending tone she had been dreading. 

“I’m not getting hostile, I’m just asking a question.” 

“Olivia told me about the trial, and how it didn’t go well. Er...I mean you didn’t get the desired verdict,” Alex took a sip of something, probably coffee. “She told me how upset you were, and how you snapped at her and Elliot.” 

Casey bristled. She hated being treated like this, like she was some sort of loose cannon, and like everyone was waiting for her to inevitably fly off the deep end. “I didn’t...mean to snap at them. But I’d like to see you stay calm after a 58-year old serial child rapist gets to walk away while a 5-year old boy is traumatized for the rest of his life!”   
“Casey,” Alex’s voice was harsh. “I’m not saying I would be feeling any different. But I am implying that you maybe shouldn’t have snapped at Olivia and Elliot, they had no part in deciding the verdict.” 

“Oh, right,” Casey mumbled through gritted teeth. “Of course you wouldn’t have snapped at them. If you were in my place you would have just become closed off and disappear for a week.” She knew that she had made a low blow, and as soon as the sentence left her mouth she wanted to apologize.   
Alex was silent. Casey ran through a list of different apologies in her mind as she waited for a response. After what felt like hours, Alex finally spoke. “I know you don’t mean that.” 

Casey heaved a defeated sigh, “You’re right. I don’t mean it.” She stared at her chipped nail polish, and then added a quick and hopefully undetected, “I miss you.” 

“I miss you, too.”

“God, Alex, I just want to be sick.” 

“I know, I know,” Alex’s voice had softened. “You and I both know it takes only one sympathizing juror.” 

“Yeah, and you and I also know how great it would feel to knock the sympathizer around for a bit.”

Casey swore she heard Alex gave a small laugh, and smiled to herself. As much as she hated when Alex called to chew her out for something, the two usually did end up having some nice conversations afterward. 

“Olivia told me to tell you that she was going to tell Cragen that you were going to take a day off,” Alex said, and Casey could hear her set a glass on a granite countertop.

“Damn it,” Casey sighed. “I don’t need time off. I need to work so I don’t have to think about the verdict, Liv knows that.” 

“Casey, she told me you haven’t slept in two days. Go to sleep, get something to eat, and enjoy yourself for 24 hours.” 

“Alex, when I want to be mothered, I’ll call my actual mother,” Casey smirked, “but thanks for looking out for me,” she added. 

The two spoke for a little while longer; mainly about the case and the evidence involved, and how it led to a “not guilty” verdict. A couple times during the conversation, Casey got upset, and then was reminded not to get hostile. After maybe fifteen minutes, the two said goodnight, and that marked the end of the phone call. 

After she hung up, Casey glanced at her watch. 

1:34 a.m. 

Within minutes, she was in bed, wrapped up in the blankets. Meditation music played softly from her iPhone on her bedside dresser; it was the only thing that actually helped her get to sleep. As Casey drifted off, she thought about the music, and how it felt to her like it was the only calming thing she ever heard. Seconds later, she was asleep, too tired to even dream.


	3. Chapter 3

10:57 a.m.

When Casey woke up, she was instantly glad that Olivia had told Cragen to give her the day off. This was the first time in a while that Casey had been able to get more than 5 hours of sleep in a night, and she felt a little refreshed despite everything that had happened last night. The meditation music was still playing softly from her beside table, but the tune kept Casey so relaxed that she didn't even want to turn it off. She rubbed her eyes, thinking about how she would spend the rest of the day. The springs of her mattress creaked as she sat up in bed, drawing a blanket around her bare shoulders. 

When her head was finally cleared of all sleepy thoughts, her mind wandered to her conversation with Alex last night. Though Casey often acted like she wanted nothing to do with the blonde ADA, she was thankful that the two were friends. In addition to having a talent for making Casey feel like a 2 year-old, Alex was also able to talk Casey down from her tendencies towards extreme anger. Casey absolutely hated the idea of anyone being able to affect her mood, so when John Munch had jokingly called Alex an "anchor" for Casey, she didn't speak to either of them for weeks. Casey Novak was her own anchor. 

As Casey stood up, she stretched her toes over the white carpet of her bedroom. She ran a hand lightly through her hair, then turned to quickly pull the comforter back over her bed. On her way out of her room, she passed her full-body mirror and paused, taking a moment to look at herself. Before going to sleep last night, she hadn't even thought about taking her makeup off. As a result, she had the infamous "raccoon eyes, smudged lipstick", coupled with the sweatpants and sports bra she had hastily changed into last night.

Her eyes flicked towards an impression her watch had made on her hip, and wondered briefly how in the world she had fallen asleep in such a weird position. Mentally shrugging, she opened her bedroom door and walked to the kitchen. The linoleum tiles were cold under her feet, and she momentarily regretted not putting slippers on before leaving her bedroom. As Casey turned the coffeemaker on, she saw a dark blue NYPD sweatshirt hanging on the back of one of the dining room chairs. She smiled as she remembered that Olivia had forgotten it at her place after the two had spent a night eating Chinese takeout and watching trashy reality TV shows. Surely Liv wouldn't mind if Casey wore it for the day; the redhead had no plans of going out and spending the day in a sweatshirt and sweatpants wasn't an unappealing thought at all. 

Casey slipped Liv's sweatshirt on, then went to make herself a cup of coffee. The way she made her coffee, with three teaspoons of sugar and almond milk, made Detective Munch feel sick, and he had no problems mentioning that everything her watched her prepare coffee for herself.

As she sipped her coffee, Casey's eyes darted from paper to paper; all of these papers had come from the case file and were now spread out all over the table. Evidence, evidence, evidence, and the jury still came up with a not guilty verdict. Olivia told Casey not to drive herself crazy about this case when the two had hugged last night, and here she was...driving herself crazy about this case even after it was over. But, in contrast to her sad and frustrated demeanor last night, Casey now had the inexplicable urge to work harder than she had ever worked on the next case she got. 

"C'mon, c'mon," Casey murmured as she looked for something, anything, that would create situation that would allow her to bring forward more charges. 

Nothing. 

Casey huffed and blew a piece of hair away from her eyes. 

Despite that, the workaholic vibe in her wasn't completely dead, and one cup of coffee later, Casey was in the shower, getting ready to go to the police station. Cragen told her to back off for the day, he especially knew that Casey would never take more than half a day to herself. She slipped Liv's forgotten sweatshirt into her bag as she pulled her blue peacoat over her shoulders. When Fin Tutuola had once asked Casey if there was anything that broke her confidence, Elliot had been able to say "Hell, no" before she was. At the time, Casey had disputed it, but after what had happened with this case, she was finally wondering if Elliot was right.

* * * 

The squad room was busy. John was leaned over Olivia's shoulder, reading off of a website that was pulled up on her computer screen. "Click here to learn which corporate sponsors to boycott...Click here so your children will never again be exposed to the mind-warping trauma of a nipple on television." He glanced up when Casey entered, nodding at her. Cragen marched up to Casey. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here to work. What's going on?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some details taken from 06x03 (Obscene)

"I need a nap," Olivia groaned, putting her head in her hands. "Or an entire bottle of aspirin." Casey smiled sympathetically, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I can't offer you an entire bottle, but how's two tablets?" Casey said as she took the pills out of her bag and gave them to Olivia. 

"Thanks," Liv mumbled as she took a swig of water to wash down the pills. "Here's to hoping we can go home early today." 

Olivia had just gotten off of the phone with a spokesperson for a radio show; she had called to ask for an interview with the host of said radio show and was denied. Casey had no reason to be there at the precinct; she wouldn't be able to press charges for the case they were working for a while, but she just felt like lurking. The details of the case were a still a little spotty, but from what Casey understood, a teen television star, Jessie Dawning, was found raped and beaten in her trailer, and it was recently discovered that a radio show host had made countless sexual comments about the star. He was now a prime suspect. 

Dr. Warner, the medical examiner for the SVU department, had found DNA evidence in the rape kit done on the teenager but it was from nobody in the system, making the detectives' jobs a little bit more difficult. Olivia was facedown on her desk again, waiting for her headache to subside. Casey put a gentle hand on Olivia's head, secretly willing her pain to go away. She knew that it wouldn't do anything to help Liv, but it was a nice thought.

Olivia sat up, causing Casey's hand to fall onto her shoulder. Cragen's voice interrupted the silence of the squad room: "Casey, my office." 

Casey slid out of her chair, striding over to the Captain, who shut the door behind them. He started talking immediately. "What's the likelihood that you'll be able to charge the radio host?" 

"Is that a joke?" Casey laughed. 

"This isn't my joking face, Casey. My people have no idea where to go with this case, " Cragen frowned. 

"Well, considering you have no DNA evidence, no correlation between the radio host and the victim aside from disgusting comments made about her by the host, charging him is impossible." Casey couldn't believe Cragen was asking her to consider charging the radio host; he knew it would be impossible.

Cragen leaned over his desk. Casey heard him whisper, “son of a bitch,” and chewed her lip awkwardly. A small, compassionate part of her wanted to just tell him to find her a witness and just leave it at that, but the practical part of her knew that she wouldn’t be able to create a case out of nothing. 

She crossed her arms. “Find a connection between fans of the radio show and fans of Jessie. I’ll see if I can make something out of that.” Before leaving the Captain’s’ office, she added: “Don’t get your hopes up.” 

Her departure of the office must have been understood as her being angry, because Olivia rushed up to her as soon as the two made eye contact. “What did Cragen want?” she asked worriedly, putting a hand on Casey’s arm. 

“He’s trying to get me to do your job, so the usual,” Casey scoffed, shrugging. 

Olivia smiled awkwardly; she knew how Casey felt about being asked things like this. “Let’s go get lunch, you can rant to me about Cragen or Alex or anything, and I’ll just shut up and listen.” 

“Our conversations are never fun when you just shut up and listen, Liv,” Casey joked. 

***  
In the restaurant, the two sat across from each other in a booth, laughing at some inside joke that they had come up with after Olivia had gotten done interrogating some sleaze ball CEO. As their laughter died down, Olivia grew serious.

“Did Alex call you last night?” 

Casey cocked an eyebrow, mumbling, “Yeah. She told me all about how you had to tell her to babysit me for the rest of the night.” To drive the knife in deeper, she quickly added, “...you know, to make sure I wouldn’t kill myself or anything.” 

Olivia closed her eyes, letting her head fall a little bit. “Casey, that’s not fair,” she sighed. “I know how you’ve been lately, I was just keeping your best interest in mind.”  
Casey took a sip of her drink, water with a lemon. “I know, I know.” She put a hand on top of the table; her hand was then covered by Olivia’s. Liv’s hand was warm, and Casey felt herself relax at her touch. “I just...think it’s a little bit unfair that I’m being treated like a loose canon just because I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder! I mean, really, what district attorney doesn’t have an anxiety disorder?” Casey was ranting at this point, but she didn’t care. She trusted Olivia. 

When she had finished with her speech, Olivia took a breath. “Casey, I know it’s hard for you, having to juggle everything with different cases and evidence, et cetera.” Casey had an inkling that Olivia was just telling her what she wanted to hear, but she didn’t care. She loved the way Olivia said her name. “But you’ve been able to do it for years, and I know you won’t let yourself get overwhelmed.” 

Casey smiled at Olivia’s attempt to make her feel better. “Thanks, you somehow always know what to say.” She tried to make it sound as genuine as possible, but truthfully, Casey always felt overwhelmed. Olivia knew that, solely because Casey had called her at 4am one night crying uncontrollably because she couldn’t handle life at that moment.  
“Is something else bothering you? You seem a little bit jittery,” Olivia observed quietly. 

“Hm? Oh, no. I’m just thinking.”

“Oh, okay.” Casey could tell Olivia didn’t believe her. “Well, just know that you can talk to me about anything. I’m here for you, Casey.” 

Casey smiled, feeling calm as she stared into Olivia’s coffee-colored eyes. “I know.”


	5. Chapter 5

Back at the precinct, it was bustling. John Munch slammed a phone back onto its receiver and rushed up to Olivia. “Please tell me you’ve found something,” Casey said, crossing her arms and fighting the urge to lean against Olivia. 

John raised a finger, then brought it down. “No, we haven’t found anything.”

Casey threw her hands up. “Well, then I can’t do anything.” 

Munch frowned; he was never a fan of Casey’s all-or-nothing attitude. “Would you just listen? Cragen wants you to get a search warrant on the radio host. He’s sure he can get him on some...thing.” Munch paused as he notices Casey’s emerald stare grow hard and cold.

Without a response, much to John’s dismay, Casey stormed past him and into Cragen’s office. She had interrupted a seemingly serious conversation between Cragen and Elliot, but at this point she didn’t care. “Don!” Her voice was sharp. “You want me to get a warrant on the radio host based on what, exactly? The fact that he’s made disgusting comments about Jessie? I’m already notorious as the A.D.A. who attacks free speech, I won’t have a bunch of detectives who can’t do their jobs put my career in jeopardy.” Her words were coming out at a mile a minute; the redhead was absolutely furious. 

Cragen sat at his desk, his mouth opening and closing like that of a fish’s. As he seemed to be hunting for words, Casey impatiently tapped her foot on the tile floor. Elliot, who had gotten caught in the middle, scurried out of the office and into the safety of the squadroom, quickly joining a debate between Munch and Fin over the dangerousness of artificial intelligence. It would have been a conversation Casey would have loved to contribute to, if she wasn’t so goddamn furious. After what seemed like hours, Cragen finally responded. “That was out of line, Casey.” Deep lines appeared in his forehead as he raised his eyebrows. 

Casey pursed her lips, trying to think of a response that wouldn’t get her suspended. “I...apologize,” she choked. “But I have told you multiple times that I can not build a case on this current line of bullshit you’re feeding me. Tell your detectives to get me more evidence and not to bother me until they’ve done so.” 

Without another word, Casey marched out of the squadroom and towards her own office. She slammed the door behind her and kicked off her heels, falling onto the couch that was set up near the door. Covering her face with a pillow, she screamed until her stomach hurt. They wouldn’t treat Alex like this, she thought bitterly as she turned onto her side.  
Fortunately for her, because of the SVU department’s astonishing lack of competence on this case, she had no work to do, meaning she could get a quick nap in. She hated sleeping at work, but she didn’t even officially need to be here, and she couldn’t have cared less anyway. 

Before Casey could fall asleep there on the couch, there was a soft knock at her door. Casey groaned and rolled off the couch, not even caring that she wasn’t wearing shoes when she opened the door. Olivia Benson stood in the doorway, wearing her signature “Casey, I’m worried about you” facial expression. 

“Is everything okay? Your face is all red, and you stormed past everyone like a bat out of Hell.” 

Casey frowned, mostly out of frustration at herself for being so obvious with her emotions. “To be completely honest, Olivia, no. Cragen...he’s just...” she huffed, trying to form a complete and coherent sentence. 

Olivia seemed to understand; or at least she was pretending to understand. Her brown eyes had a knowing look within them, and Casey felt herself grow embarrassed. She must have hit a new record of how many times she whined to Olivia within two days, but she was so past caring about anything, all she could think about was going home.   
Casey sat down on the couch, patting the space next to her in an invitation for Olivia to sit. When Liv sat down, Casey instantly leaned into her shoulder. Maybe that was what she needed to actually feel better: physical contact with someone she cared about. Casey was never a very touchy-feely person, but with Olivia, she felt completely comfortable resting her head on her shoulder, or something like that. She felt Liv lean her own head against hers, and for a moment the two sat in silence. Olivia rested her hand on Casey’s knee, and Casey laid her own hand on top of Liv’s. 

For some reason, in the midst of every terrible and frustrating thing happening with this case, her having these short moments with Olivia made everything seem okay.


End file.
